He's one step closer to freedom!

So tonight for the first time I came up with the courage to put my son in his crib to sleep. I sat in there with him and sang to him until I could see his eyes were getting heavy, then I just hummed until he finally fell asleep. As I stood there over him watching him sleeping in his very own crib, in his very own room (which is not my room anymore) I was overwhelmed with two very different emotions at the same time. First, I was sad. My son was making his first step to freedom, he's not sleeping in our room anymore. I used to be able to wake up in the middle of the night and hear him breathing and lay back down knowing my son was right there and he was okay. Now he's in his own room and sleeping in his own crib and I think that I'm probably going to cry myself to sleep tonight as I think about him growing and all the "steps" he'll be taking until one day he spreads his wings and flies for himself. With all that being said, there is the other emotion that I was feeling as I watched my son there sleeping in his room, in his crib. I was so proud of my little man and his first step towards independence from me. I then saw all the times that I will be proud of him as he makes his transitions toward freedom some day. It made me think of the day that he will ride the bus for the first time, or the first time that he stays overnight somewhere other than here. Or when he graduates from high school and makes his move to manhood and goes off to college all on his own. The thought of those mile stones make me incredibly proud of my son and all that he is going to accomplish along the way. So tonight I'm kind of torn... I'm very proud that Leyton is moving out on his own, but deep down I'm kind of bummed out that my little man wont be there when I wake in the middle of the night. So tonight I may cry it out a little, but tomorrow Ill be okay!

He needs me...

The other night Leyton was laying on my lap on the couch sleeping. In the middle of his sleep he started to get a little fussy. I don't know if he was just having a bad dream or what but it was bothering him. So I put my hand down there to let him know I was there and he grabbed hold of my finger. As he was holding my finger I quietly was saying "don't worry daddy's here." And believe it or not he quieted right down and fell back to sleep. So I continued to whisper "daddy's here" a few more times until I knew he was good and out and as I was doing that it hit me pretty hard that he needs me. Not in just the obvious ways like he needs me to help feed him and change his diaper and transport him places, but he needs me to let him know that I'm there for him and that Ill be here to protect him... It's kind of a heavy load, but I was so happy to know that in that moment what he needed what his daddy to tell him it's okay and not to worry because I'm here. I really cherish the role of his father as he is growing and developing. The things that he needs from me continue to change as he does and it's extremely exciting for me to be here during all of it and give him what he needs. Now it's just the sound of my voice and the touch of my hand that helps. Soon its going to be the touch of my hand as I steady him as he takes his first steps. Then it will be his first ride on a bike. Soon he'll need me to teach him how to hit a curve ball (I cannot wait for that day!), and how to read defenses on the football field. He's going to need me to show him how to swing a hammer and turn a wrench. But he's also going to need me to comfort him someday when that first girl breaks his heart, or his first friend abuses his trust. The boundaries of the things that he needs me for seem limitless now and will only get greater as he grows. To be honest I really cannot wait for each one as the time comes and he needs me for something new. So Leyton, whatever this world brings to you over the years don't worry because daddy's here!