Lecrae Unashamed Music Video

I'm unashamed.

The real story of Anna and Ryan

I love this picture of Anna and I. It was taken a little over a year ago, Leyton wasn't quite a year old and Anna was pregnant with Ryder at the time...

Last week I told you how Anna and I met... Today I want to take the time to give you the real story of Anna and Ryan.

It really did start at St. Joseph's College in Rensselaer Indiana in 2002-2003. Three of my roommates had a class with Anna, I think it was a Core class, but you'd have to ask her to be sure. That doesn't really matter, what does matter is that is how I was introduced to Anna Westwood! Over time they all made friends with her which lead to her and her friends coming over to hang out with us. It didn't take long for Anna to become the "it" girl on campus for all us. My roommates and I lived in a suite on the second floor of a dormitory that Anna, as well as almost every other student on campus, had to walk past every day to get to every single one of her classes. We would sit on our couch in our living room and watch out the window for Anna as she would walk past to class. Then we would scream out the window at her things like, "Anna Westwood, I love you!" Or, "Anna Westwood will you marry me?" Then like little children we would duck down below the window as if her and every other person walking past didn't know it was us professing our love for her.

Let me give you a little back story on me at that time. I had done a good job in my first three years of college creating a reputation for myself. I was a functioning alcoholic, meaning I was drunk most nights but was still able to get up and go to class, get my homework done and even make pretty good grades all the while. (I graduated with a 3.0) Along with my alcohol dependency I had gotten myself wrapped up in some other pretty ugly vices...

Back to our story. Anna and I were getting to spend a lot of time together as "friends." I had a girlfriend from home at the time, so to Anna I was a non threatening male. Since I had a girlfriend she didn't have to worry about me coming on to her... Little did she know that at this point I had fallen pretty hard for her. Anna was very tall, she was a college soccer player so she was in incredible shape. She had long blond hair and blue eyes! My favorite quality of Anna's though was that she was very head strong. She didn't allow anyone to push her around, she was very independent! I was sold... My relationship at home had been bad for a long time, so it didn't take long of Anna being around for me to throw in the towel on that relationship. After what I decided to be an acceptable grace period of being single I asked Anna to go out on a date with me. Remember, Anna was painfully beautiful, smart and didn't fall for stupid boys (like me.) But for some reason, that I credit God for, she did agree to go out on a date with me! Back then my roommates and I gave plasma for spending money. My mom and dad were shelling out a lot of money for me to go to St. Joe so I felt bad asking them for spending money. So the roomies and I found a plasma donation center that would pay us $55 dollars a week for our time. So twice a week, every week for three years we gave plasma for spending money. When Anna agreed to go out on a date with me I saved my plasma money for two weeks so I had enough to take her to Outback Steakhouse and to see a movie. We went to Merrilville to eat and see Anger Management with Jack Nicholson and Adam Sandler. Since I did a poor job planning our time we had about an hour after dinner was over before the movie started. So I drove us to the theater and we just say in my truck and talked. The date was going pretty awesome, conversation came easy and we didn't run out of things to talk about. We had built a friendship before this so we were comfortable with one another. Comfortable enough that we even talked about some heavy issues during that time in my truck. Then after a while of great conversation Anna took her opportunity to tell me, "if you want me to take you seriously and continue going out on dates with you, you need to get your life right." BOOM! She laid it out there, if I wanted to continue seeing her, which I did very badly, I needed to clean up a few areas of my life.

Fast forward nearly 9 years to today and Anna and I have been married for almost 7 years. (November 27th will be 7 years) I took Anna seriously that night, the feeling of having her next to me was a feeling that I cannot describe and I knew that I never wanted that to go away. I wanted her to be mine, I wanted to take her off the market quickly before every other boy at St. Joe realized what I had and tried to take her from me. I fell in love with Anna very shortly after that first date, and my life has been so much better ever since. Today I am a strong leader of my household, I am a strong and loving husband and father and I am a strong believer in God and Jesus Christ and what they did for me. I am strong in all those categories because Anna is constantly whispering in my ear, "you are doing a great job," "you are an amazing leader, keep up the good work," "I love you." Behind this strong man is a beautiful and strong woman who helped make me what I am today. You see 9 years ago Anna saved my life so that Jesus could save my soul and I am so grateful for both of those things happening. Anna still do this day is breathtakingly beautiful, my heart still beats really fast when I get around her. I love her so much more today than I did 9 years ago when we started dating. I have said it many times and I'll say it many more, when it comes to Anna and I; I'm the lucky one!

Here is a little love song (my favorite) for my beautiful angle eyed wife.

My family

I thought I would take a few minutes today and blog about one of the thing's nearest to my heart; my family. I have been very blessed in life to be married to Anna Cathleen and she has blessed me to two handsome and strong boys, Leyton James and Ryder Scott.



This is a picture of my beautiful wife Anna. I'm sure if you asked her how we met she would tell you a different story, but I'll give you the real version of how Anna and I met and began dating. Anna and I went to St. Joseph's College together for three years but didn't actually meet until the last of those three years. She was in a couple classes with my a couple of my roommates. Since my roommates and I were the "cool kids" on campus her and her friends desperately wanted to come over and hang out with us all the time. They were always calling and asking if they could come over... But seriously take a look at her, who would say no to her? So after spending quite a bit of time together we got to be friends and that led to her asking me if I would take her out on a date. She said she had a crush on me for a long time and really wanted me to take her out. Again, she's hot, so of course I took her out on a date! We went out to eat at Outback Steakhouse and saw Anger Management in Merrilville IN and the rest, they say, is history. She fell head over heels in love with me, and then I fell in love with her. We were married November 27th 2004, it was the greatest day of my life! That is the 100% true story of how Anna and I met and fell in love, no matter what she tells you.



This is a picture of our oldest son Leyton James, he's almost two years old and one of the two greatest things I have ever had a part in! It took Anna and I a little longer than we expected to get pregnant but after a while we finally did and Leyton is what we got! He is a very smart little boy, he loves to read and be read to. He is also 100% boy, everything he picks up turns into a sword or some sort of club that he can hit everything with. He has an infectious smile and laugh with just the slightest bit of orneriness behind his bright blue eyes. He loves to wrestle now and will blindside tackle you if you're not paying attention.



364 days after Leyton was born Ryder came into this world! It took Anna and I so long to get pregnant with Leyton we were nervous that it would take that long again and we were wrong! Ryder is a completely different little boy than his brother. He's about eight months old and he is my cuddly boy. Ryder loves to be close to people. Leyton is a little more independent and is always doing things on his own. Ryder is completely content being held by or sitting on the lap of whoever is near. He has the most adorable little giggly laugh I have ever heard. He is a very bright eyed and happy boy. Just a look his direction and he smiles from ear to ear at you. He is an adventurous eight month old. He likes to be upside down and will try to throw himself backwards and upside down if you're not paying attention while holding him.

That's a brief introduction to my family. Let me say this, being Anna's husband and Leyton and Ryder's dad give me more satisfaction than anything I have ever done in this life. If all I ever did was spend time with those three I would be completely fulfilled. It's after having my two sons that I know I was made to be a father and husband. I love to go through life with Anna and learn new things every day with Leyton and Ryder. God has blessed me more than I could ever write to you in this blog with those three. I very much look forward to living a long and happy life with my wife, and watching my boys grow up to be strong men who will eventually venture out on their own and make their own ways in life. So to Anna, Leyton and Ryder I love you three so much it makes my heart hurt. Thanks for loving me back!

Focus

I saw this picture on the internet today as I was checking ESPN at lunch time and I just thought, WOW, when I looked at it. I thought wow for many different reasons, the first being "that guy has huge forearms." It also struck me because, if I am being honest, I am a HUGE Albert Pujols fan. I am an Albert fan because A) he is the greatest baseball player of this generation and B) he is an incredible christian/human being (wikipedia him if you don't know who he is.) But I also thought wow because fundamentally everything about his swing in that second is perfect! His knuckles are lined up correctly, hips open, hands out in front, chin on his back shoulder, the bat is cutting the ball in half and the most important, his eyes are on the ball. Look at the focus in his eyes at the split second before contact. His eyes are on the ball and he is focused intently on his ultimate goal, drive the ball hard somewhere. If you watched the St. Louis Cardinals game last night you saw that the result of Albert's focus was a 4-5 night with three doubles and a home run. He was in the zone, and when a hitter is in the zone a baseball looks like its as big as a beach ball. Being in the zone though is a result of all of his hard work and the focus you see there in his eyes.

How often in life do we lose our focus on the important things? How often do we "take our eye off the ball? It's easy to do, life gets busy and we have a lot going on. But just like Albert Pujols in the picture above, if you put your eyes back on the ball, if you focus back in on what's important you can find yourself in the zone.

**bloggers note** I think the game of baseball is a beautiful game. I think a perfect swing is beautiful. I think a diving catch is an incredible thing to watch. A backdoor slider amazes me and good fundamentals when fielding a ground ball makes me happy. Seeing a fly ball off the bat, taking the correct angle on it, tracking it down and making the catch is a work of art. I love the game of baseball, and the playoffs are my time of the year. Since the Indians are back to playing like they did in "Major League" I am on the Cardinal bandwagon! Go Red Birds!

Cling to You

The music video above is by one of my favorite new rap artists, Trip Lee. I have always been a rap/hip hop fan but as I get further in my walk with Jesus I find it hard to find good rap music that's not dangerous for my soul... I have, however, found a few and one of them is the artist above. (Lecrae and the 116 clique are a couple others.) But I was listening to my iPod this morning on the way to drop the boys off at day care and then on my way into work and this song came on. I have heard it before numerous times and even would say it is one of my favorites. But this morning it's like God tuned me in to every word and the message came through loud and clear. The message is one worth listening to and paying attention to. To sum it up what he's saying is that he's going to trust in God whether the rough times in his life go away or not.

"...Lord it may get better but it may not. So when I pray God I pray I would trust you whether or not the pain stops. So when the pain falls, coming down like rain drops, I just gotta cling to you..."

I cannot tell you how many times in my life I fall into the rut of only talking to God when I want something, or when I want something to go away. I find myself now spending a lot of time praising God for all the wonderful things that he has done in my life. Asking God for help, asking God to make "the pain" go away and praising God through the good times are all part of being in a relationship with him. What this song is saying is that, even if I ask you for help and you don't provide it, if the hard times don't go away, I am going to still praise you. I will still love you and I will still sing your name.

"...Lord you know I'm hoping that my situation will switch. That you'll show me your amazin' by erasin' it quick. But I've noticed that my hope is in you changin' it quick. Instead of knowing you're enough I was chasing your gifts..."

Loud and clear this morning God told me to love him all the time, whether he answers me immediately or in his timing. Whether it's good times or if I'm struggling, I need to always remember that his love is enough. "In this life full of strife if my days get grayer I'm content with the fact that you'll stay my Savior."

Workin' Man's Hands

My dad often times makes reference to "workin' man's hands" when I'm wearing gloves to work on the car or do work around the yard. You see he has been a maintenance man nearly his whole life. He'll have 30 years in doing it for the same company this March. So over the course of 30 years he has acquired very rough and calloused "workin' man's hands." From all the years of gripping screw drivers and turning wrenches he also has the grip of a bear. They have permanent stains and scars from all the work that they have done. And although I have put in my time in the factory setting, 7 years in a fabrication department, my hands are not nearly as rough and calloused as his are. One year of working in an office in the corporate setting has taken care of that for me. I do have scars from growing up and some of the crazy things I did and my hands have the marks to remind me, but all in all I do not have workin' man's hands.

I think of my hands in a slightly different way though. I look at these hands and think about all the work that they do, not just the physical labor. But across the whole spectrum, the work that my hands do. My hands write a tithe check every week, they give money to every needy person I see. They lend encouragement to a friend in need when I put my arms around him for a hug. My hands hold my wife's little hands when she needs me to be sweet. My hands also hold my infant and toddler sons when they are scared. They shield them from anything that I think might be dangerous to them. My hands fold in prayer many times a day for a plethora of things that are on my heart all the time. They reach up to the Lord when I praise and worship on Sunday mornings. These hands carry out all the good and bad decisions that I make over the course of every single day. They open and shut doors to things that I should and should not be looking at, they control the remote and dictate what my eyes take in at night. My hands do a lot of work, and I try very hard to make sure that the work that they are doing is good work, work that lifts myself and others up. My hands are doing all the work that will help to define my character to others. All the work that I have done up to this point, that people think of when they say the name Brillhart. My hands are laying the foundation for the path that my sons will walk down some day when I am gone. Some day Leyton and Ryder will being doing their own work in this world, blazing their own paths and I hope desperately that the work that my hands have done make a wide path for them to start on. I wont always be here for them, and someday they will have to do it without me. I want the work that I have done here to help get to a good point to fly on their own. As I sit and type this I feel like I am just rambling on and on, but there is so much work that these hands do, and it is terribly important that I am making the right decisions with the work that I do. It is something that I take very seriously and am constantly trying to keep myself in check with.

When you look at your hands what kind of work do you see on them? Whether you've got "workin' man's hands" or "corporate hands" doesn't really matter, what matters is the work that those hands are leaving behind for others.

Saying goodbye

This weekend I got the opportunity to have breakfast with a group of guys that I had a bonding experience with a few years ago. Ever since then we have made it a goal to get together once a month and do breakfast to keep up with one another. Sometimes we did do it every month, sometimes it would be months in between breakfasts. This group of guys, me included, texted one another quite often with prayer requests for one another and even praises for personal victories in our lives. This relationship has gone on for about two years now. One of the members of our group recently joined the military! Joined on full time, he is going to be an American Soldier (a very admirable profession in my opinion.) This means though that our friend is picking up his life here in Goshen Indiana and moving to wherever the military tells him for at least the next 5 years, if not for the rest of his career.

So this Saturday we got to meet one last time for breakfast and to say goodbye to and pray with our friend. It was great to get to sit together one last time and talk about life. It was also great to get to listen to him be excited about this new chapter of his life that he is just beginning. We got to pray for him and send him off covered in God's word! As we stood outside of I-Hop and said our good byes it hit me that this could be the last time I ever see my friend face to face. Who knows where his journeys and travels will take him over the next few years. He could end up on the other side of the nation, or even based on the other side of the world. Then I even began to think, "what if this is the last time that I ever get to talk to him?" As life moves us in different directions it's hard to know for sure where we are going to land, where God is going to have us end up. I have spent a lot of time over the last couple years praying for and with this friend as we went through life together. I know that he has spent a lot of time praying for me and my family as well and for that I am eternally grateful for his friendship. I will do my best to keep in touch with him when he has the ability to communicate, but who knows where God will take him over the next few years or even decade. What I do know is that I will always keep him and his wife and children in my prayers and that bonding moment that he and I and two other guys shared a couple years ago will always mean a lot to me. I don't know if he'll get a chance to read this post and to be honest it doesn't really matter, but just in case... I will continue to pray for you and your family while you are gone. I will continue to stand in the gap and lift you up whether we get to talk to one another or not. I'll continue to pray for your safety as you bravely defend this country of ours. Thanks for being a prayer warrior for me, Anna and the boys over the last two years when I needed it. Good luck and God bless you brother!

I miss

Just a few things I miss...

-I miss Grandma Brillhart calling me Ry-Guy.
-I miss Gally 218 and theDBBS.
-I miss going to Friday night high school football games.
-I miss getting to see Travis, Josh and Chris every day.
-I miss spending time with Grandpa Peterson.
-I miss old school cartoons.
-I miss the Cleveland Indians being good at baseball.
-I miss playing baseball.

Brothers... by other mothers.

I thought I would take a few minutes to write a quick post about my brothers-in-law, I just refer to them as my brothers though. In the picture posted above is my brother Joel Anna's brother (left), Andy Anna's sister's husband (middle) and me. This picture was taken at a Fall Fest that their church in St. Louis put on about this time last year, which was awesome by the way! In this picture the three of us had just finished a pie eating contest along with a handful of people that were there. A little background about the pie eating contest; one of us pictured here won it! One of us pictured took mouthfuls of pie and spit it into another one of our pie pans and one of us ate the pie that the other one spit in a failing attempt to win... We had a really fun time doing this, we got the opportunity to compete against each other, there was some elbow throwing and even spitting in the others pie to win. That's how competitions go with us... I look at this picture quite a bit and think how lucky I am to have married into such awesome brothers. Andy and I are almost the same age, at pretty similar stages in life and VERY like minded when it comes to most aspects of life. So he and I have found that we have a very valuable relationship to one another in that we can bounce ideas, experiences, victories and defeats off one another. Just the other day I told him how much I appreciate getting to go through life with him as a brother. Our talks are very meaningful to me and I am very thankful to have him to talk to. The most important thing that he and I have together is that we both married Westwood women, and having a brother in arms when it comes to that is PRICELESS! Just kidding, being married to Anna is fantastic and I'm sure Andy would say the same about Kerry. I am just thankful to have Andy as someone that I trust and who trusts me so that we can really talk about the things that we are struggling through or celebrate the victories with!


Then there is Joel... I came into the family when Joel was about 15 years old, and find myself lucky to have known him for so long. I have gotten to see him celebrate incredible high points in his life and I have gotten to be there for him when he needed me as well. Over the last few years, Joel and I have gotten very close. We talk almost every day and I very much value the relationship I have with him as well. He is 7 years younger than me and we are in different stages of life at this point. But there isn't much that he's going through or will go through that I have not already experienced. So we have very good talks about life and love and a lot of M.M.A. The trust between us has grown to a point where he is also someone that I can share all of my struggles and secrets with and know that it is safe with him. Having that kind of trust in someone especially another man is vitally important to me and I think myself very lucky to have that kind of trust with Joel. It has been awesome watching him grow from a teenage high school kid to the man that he is now. I have gotten to watch him make wrong decisions, pick himself up and then make the right decisions, and am incredibly proud of where he is in life right now! I am excited to think about what else life is going to bring for him in the future, he is a brilliant person (if you didn't know that just ask him he will tell you) and has a world of opportunity and his fingertips!

So thanks Andy and Joel for accepting me as much as I have accepted you and I look forward to growing old together and continuing to walk through this life together as the next generation of men and leaders in this family!

Thinking of bringing it back!

Should I bring back the beard???

Surgery

Last week Ryder had to have a minor surgery to fix his being tongue tied. He was born that way and over the course of time it has caused a few problems for him so it was time to take him to an E.N.T. and have the frenulum clipped, thus freeing up his tongue. Part of this surgery was going to necessitate him going under anesthesia for just a couple minutes while they preformed the procedure. Due to this he was not allowed to have anything to eat or drink after midnight the night before his surgery. Since he is so little they didn't want to keep him from eating long so they scheduled it for 6:30 in the morning.

He woke up that morning as happy as could be, which is the norm for him he is a morning baby! He was all smiles and happy and getting the attention of all the nurses in the surgical center. As it came time for the procedure we had to put him in a little hospital gown, pictured above, and they took him back to the room where they would be preforming the procedure. During all this the nurses warned us that babies generally wake up from the anesthesia pretty upset. They are usually fussy and irritable. So we were prepared for him to be upset when they called us back afterward. But to our surprise when we got back there he was all smiles and happy and had about every nurse in the place in his recovery room waiting for Anna and I to get back there! They told us that the procedure went off flawlessly and that Ryder was such a joy! One nurse even said that they wished all babies were as good as Ryder! I kind of puffed my chest out and had a "yea that's my son" moment. I was just so happy that he came through all of it perfectly and that it all went off without a hitch.

I said all that to say this, Anna and I had a lot of people praying for Ryder that morning. A lot of our close friends, family and people from church were covering Ryder that morning in prayer. We even had one friend set an alarm clock so that she would be awake to pray for him before he went into surgery that morning! Without a doubt Anna and I felt God's presence and blessings on Ryder that morning. We are so lucky and thankful to have such amazing friends and family who will stand up and pray for us. Thank you to everyone who kept my son in your thoughts and prayers last Wednesday morning, Anna and I cant thank you enough.

Welcome back, welcome back, welcome back!

Okay, so I could be the worst blogger of all time. 11 months between posts is probably too long to keep my followers waiting? Hopefully my masses (7 followers) will find their way back to me and keep up with what it's like Being Brillhart. A lot has happened since I blogged last... Ryder was born January 27, 2011. Just 364 days after his brother. Leyton is getting bigger every day, he's walking and climbing and repeats everything you say now! Ryder sits up on his own and can scoot on his butt around the floor. He works up to hands and knees when he's on his belly and will be crawling in no time! The boys are big and healthy and the brighth spot in mine and Anna's lives. Every day we get to encounter something new with one or both of them and I love looking forward to what each new day with my sons and wife will bring!

As for Anna and I it has been a wonderful year also. I got a promotion and moved from the production side of things at the company I work for to the corporate end! So instead of jeans and work boots every day it's dockers, polo's and loafers. I'll be honest, I miss my work boots. But the job is great, it's very busy and keeps me thinking all the time. Anna is still with Ranch Fiberglas. She has moved into an office manager's roll and pretty much runs the whole front end now! Which isn't surprising from her because she's brilliant and I knew it was only a matter of time before she ran the place!

So that's the last year in two paragraphs, I will do a better job from now on keeping you updated on the day to day in our lives... Thanks for following!