Cling to you

Here's an old post I just realized I had saved as a draft and never posted. But I think it's a good one so I'll put it up.



I have always been a rap/hip hop fan but as I get further in my walk with Jesus I find it hard to find good rap music that's not dangerous for my soul... I have, however, found a few and one of them is the artist above, Trip Lee. (Lecrae and the 116 clique are a couple others.) But I was listening to my iPod this morning on the way to drop the boys off at day care and then on my way into work and this song came on. I have heard it before numerous times and even would say it is one of my favorites. But this morning it's like God tuned me in to every word and the message came through loud and clear. The message is one worth listening to and paying attention to. To sum it up what he's saying is that he's going to trust in God whether the rough times in his life go away or not.

"...Lord it may get better but it may not. So when I pray God I pray I would trust you whether or not the pain stops. So when the pain falls, coming down like rain drops, I just gotta cling to you..."

I cannot tell you how many times in my life I fall into the rut of only talking to God when I want something, or when I want something to go away. I find myself now spending a lot of time praising God for all the wonderful things that he has done in my life. Asking God for help, asking God to make "the pain" go away and praising God through the good times are all part of being in a relationship with him. What this song is saying is that, even if I ask you for help and you don't provide it, if the hard times don't go away, I am going to still praise you. I will still love you and I will still sing your name.

"...Lord you know I'm hoping that my situation will switch. That you'll show me your amazin' by erasin' it quick. But I've noticed that my hope is in you changin' it quick. Instead of knowing you're enough I was chasing your gifts..."

Loud and clear this morning God told me to love him all the time, whether he answers me immediately or in his timing or not at all. Whether it's good times or if I'm struggling, I need to always remember that his love is enough. "In this life full of strife if my days get grayer I'm content with the fact that you'll stay my Savior."

The Top 10

As you may or may not know my family and I recently moved to St. Louis Missouri. One of the nice things about living here is professional sports, most importantly the St. Louis Cardinals are here! I have been here exactly two weeks today and already had the chance to go to two Cardinals games. The first was against the Cleveland Indians (my team) and then Tuesday Anna surprised me with the incredible seats (pictured above) as an early Father's Day present! If you know anything about me you know that I love the game of baseball. I love everything about it (with the exception of instant replay) and I really love going to game live! So I thought I would make a top ten list of my favorite things about going to a baseball game live!

10. The chance to catch a foul ball.
9. Pretzels with cheese!
8. Heckling opposing team's fans.
7. The smell of fresh cut grass.
6. It's outdoors!
5. Take Me Out to the Ballgame.
4. The sound of a fastball snapping a catchers glove.
3. A diving catch is way more majestic live.
2. Memories.
1. Ballpark hot dogs with ketchup and mustard!

Wild at Heart 1 (for me)

This picture was taken at a Wild at Heart men's retreat in Western Maryland in 2009. A good friend texted it to me last night with a message that said something along the lines of "this is where it all began." In that picture with me, directly to my left, is someone who at the time I didn't know all that well. We rode in the same pick up truck (his) from Goshen Indiana to Maryland for the retreat. In this picture we were having a competition, a race across that nasty green pond with about 9 other men. Look close, that pond is nasty and covered with green scum that we agitate up once a year when we are there for our retreat and one competition or another takes us to that nasty water. It's fun for me to look at that picture now becuase at the time I didn't know that man very well, but now he is one of my best friends and one of my two accountability partners. My other accountability partner also went on that trip with us and also rode in the same truck with us there and back. During those long truck rides we had great time to converse, get to know one another and, little beknownst to us then, start the begining of a great friendship! That weekend is the weekend that I planted my flag in the ground and made a commitment that I was going to live my life the way that God intended for me to. At that time Anna was about 5 or 6 months pregnant with Leyton, I was drinking more than I needed to be, I had a foul mouth as well as a bag full of other vices that were holding me back from being the man that God had intended. My relationship with God was the most important tool I had in making this life change. Starting to seek him in my decision making, spending time in his word and prayer put back together a relationship that I had fractured a long time ago. My relationship with my new accountability partners was a vital part of helping me stay the course during the times I wasnt seeking God first. They would be very quick to swoop in and kick me in the butt when I needed it, and trust me I needed it often. They were also there to help guide me through the tough times with prayer and wisdom from their own experiences. Perhaps the best part of our relationship is the celebrating of breakthroughs and victories that each of us had along the way these last few years. It has been an incredible journey with these two guys and I really look forward to what God has in store for us in the future! So to Jim and Jeff I love you guys like you were my own brothers and no matter how many miles seperate us I am always a phone call or text message away from being there for you!

Dream Vacation

I have to admit it's hard for me to find "good" things about Anna being gone. Really there are none, I miss her terribly and wish we were together again. If I had to choose one good thing about it, I suppose I would say it's having control of the remote all the time. I spend my time watching educational and interesting television on good channels like the History Channel and A&E. My two favorite shows are Swamp People and Duck Dynasty! If I could choose how I got to spend a two week vacation just for me it would be to spend a week hunting alligators with Troy Landry, I can hear him now "shoooot him Ryan!" Then I would spend a week enjoying the good life of the Robertson's from Duck Dynasty. Hunting snakes and playing in the mud with Uncle Si, Phil, Willie, big Johnny Godwin, Martin and Jayse sounds like a good time to me! I love the outdoors, I love wildlife and nature. Water and trees and just being out in it brings me to life. So if you are reading this and are looking to sponsor someone for a 2 week vacation, I would love to spend a week with Troy Landry from Swamp People then a week with the Robertson's from Duck Dynasty!

Accountability and Discipline

I took this picture right after I got home from running my fourth half marathon (May 5th, 2012) in five years. It's of my running shoes, my Nike+ Sportband and all four of my finishers medals that I got for finishing the race. That picture captures four different years worth of very different trainings for me. The first year I ran, 2008, was my first race of more than 3.1 miles and I took training kind of seriously. I put my miles in, but focused more on just finishing/surviving than racing. I finished somewhere around 2 hours and 45 minutes. Not too bad for a first time half marathon! Then the second and third ones I ran in 2009 and 2010 I didn't hardly train at all. Probably less than 30 miles worth of running each. I just thought, "I've done this before, what am I shooting for anyway?" And subsequently my times were terrible both of them well over 3 hours. To be honest I probably even gained weight during those two years of training. I took 2011 off with two very young sons "there wasn't any time to train." Then this year rolls around any my brother in law, Andy, asks us who wants to run the half marathon again. Without hesitation I stepped up and said I would. Over the last few years, my weight and overall health had started to slip away from me. My doctor said I was about 50 pounds overweight and at the time I couldnt even finish 1 mile running without needing to stop, I was in terrible shape. So I made a commitment to my family and my accountability partners that I was going to take my training seriously this year and even set a time goal and a weight loss goal. I wanted to beat my old personal best time of 2 hours and 45 minutes by at least 15 minutes and I wanted to lose 38 pounds by race day. My whole family got on board with me and even one of my accountability partners signed up to run, 8 of us in total. So in February of this year I started running, only one mile at a time at the beginning because I couldn't do much more than that. But as time wore on and I logged more miles I was able to run further and further and I was even starting to lost a little weight. So as I was able to run further and further I made sure that I was also pushing to get faster and faster. So I was running more miles faster than I ever had. I really got my diet in check and lost those 38 pounds in just a couple months 1 full month before the date I was shooting for! So I set a new goal to lose 12 more and be down a total of 50 pounds by race day. It seemed like in the last month I was setting a new personal best every time I went out to run my 5k and 10k times were way lower than they had ever been and I was averaging about a 9 minute mile pace for a 10 mile run! It was awesome my training could not have gone any better than it did. I ran further, I ran faster and I was losing a lot of weight. The best part of it was that a lot of people I care about were doing it with me! Race day came and I beat my personal best by about 20 minutes so I killed that goal and I was down a total of 46 pounds. So I missed that one but still feel good about being down 46 pounds. *Editors note* today I am down 49 pounds and WILL get that last pound off! I said all that to say this. The difference this year for me was two fold really. First I needed the help of my friends and family. I needed someone to kick me in the butt when I was being lazy, I needed someone to call me a fatty when I wasn't eating well. I needed them to help hold me accountable, most of us will not do it on our own. I don't say we can't do it on our own because we could, we just don't. So the help of them was needed very much. The second part of this training for me came down to discipline. They can push and call me fatty all day long but if i dont get my big behind off the couch and run it doesn't matter. I needed to show discipline. I needed it in my diet, every meal, every snack every drink I put into my body every day I needed to show discipline with. And I ndded discipline in my work outs as well. Running is time consuming, and I needed to discipine myself to make that a priority and then get out and do it! Once those became constants in my life, it came easier and easier to eat right and keep working out. They soon became habbits and are now a part of my daily routine. So where do you need some discipline in your life? Do you need to get honest with someone and ask them to kick you in the butt in a particular area that you are struggling with? I have continued running since my race so that I dont fall off the wagon and I have signed up for a mini triathalon and a 5k this summer still and there is a chance that I'll sign up for another half marathon too. Accountability and discipline!

Lecrae Unashamed Music Video

I'm unashamed.

The real story of Anna and Ryan

I love this picture of Anna and I. It was taken a little over a year ago, Leyton wasn't quite a year old and Anna was pregnant with Ryder at the time...

Last week I told you how Anna and I met... Today I want to take the time to give you the real story of Anna and Ryan.

It really did start at St. Joseph's College in Rensselaer Indiana in 2002-2003. Three of my roommates had a class with Anna, I think it was a Core class, but you'd have to ask her to be sure. That doesn't really matter, what does matter is that is how I was introduced to Anna Westwood! Over time they all made friends with her which lead to her and her friends coming over to hang out with us. It didn't take long for Anna to become the "it" girl on campus for all us. My roommates and I lived in a suite on the second floor of a dormitory that Anna, as well as almost every other student on campus, had to walk past every day to get to every single one of her classes. We would sit on our couch in our living room and watch out the window for Anna as she would walk past to class. Then we would scream out the window at her things like, "Anna Westwood, I love you!" Or, "Anna Westwood will you marry me?" Then like little children we would duck down below the window as if her and every other person walking past didn't know it was us professing our love for her.

Let me give you a little back story on me at that time. I had done a good job in my first three years of college creating a reputation for myself. I was a functioning alcoholic, meaning I was drunk most nights but was still able to get up and go to class, get my homework done and even make pretty good grades all the while. (I graduated with a 3.0) Along with my alcohol dependency I had gotten myself wrapped up in some other pretty ugly vices...

Back to our story. Anna and I were getting to spend a lot of time together as "friends." I had a girlfriend from home at the time, so to Anna I was a non threatening male. Since I had a girlfriend she didn't have to worry about me coming on to her... Little did she know that at this point I had fallen pretty hard for her. Anna was very tall, she was a college soccer player so she was in incredible shape. She had long blond hair and blue eyes! My favorite quality of Anna's though was that she was very head strong. She didn't allow anyone to push her around, she was very independent! I was sold... My relationship at home had been bad for a long time, so it didn't take long of Anna being around for me to throw in the towel on that relationship. After what I decided to be an acceptable grace period of being single I asked Anna to go out on a date with me. Remember, Anna was painfully beautiful, smart and didn't fall for stupid boys (like me.) But for some reason, that I credit God for, she did agree to go out on a date with me! Back then my roommates and I gave plasma for spending money. My mom and dad were shelling out a lot of money for me to go to St. Joe so I felt bad asking them for spending money. So the roomies and I found a plasma donation center that would pay us $55 dollars a week for our time. So twice a week, every week for three years we gave plasma for spending money. When Anna agreed to go out on a date with me I saved my plasma money for two weeks so I had enough to take her to Outback Steakhouse and to see a movie. We went to Merrilville to eat and see Anger Management with Jack Nicholson and Adam Sandler. Since I did a poor job planning our time we had about an hour after dinner was over before the movie started. So I drove us to the theater and we just say in my truck and talked. The date was going pretty awesome, conversation came easy and we didn't run out of things to talk about. We had built a friendship before this so we were comfortable with one another. Comfortable enough that we even talked about some heavy issues during that time in my truck. Then after a while of great conversation Anna took her opportunity to tell me, "if you want me to take you seriously and continue going out on dates with you, you need to get your life right." BOOM! She laid it out there, if I wanted to continue seeing her, which I did very badly, I needed to clean up a few areas of my life.

Fast forward nearly 9 years to today and Anna and I have been married for almost 7 years. (November 27th will be 7 years) I took Anna seriously that night, the feeling of having her next to me was a feeling that I cannot describe and I knew that I never wanted that to go away. I wanted her to be mine, I wanted to take her off the market quickly before every other boy at St. Joe realized what I had and tried to take her from me. I fell in love with Anna very shortly after that first date, and my life has been so much better ever since. Today I am a strong leader of my household, I am a strong and loving husband and father and I am a strong believer in God and Jesus Christ and what they did for me. I am strong in all those categories because Anna is constantly whispering in my ear, "you are doing a great job," "you are an amazing leader, keep up the good work," "I love you." Behind this strong man is a beautiful and strong woman who helped make me what I am today. You see 9 years ago Anna saved my life so that Jesus could save my soul and I am so grateful for both of those things happening. Anna still do this day is breathtakingly beautiful, my heart still beats really fast when I get around her. I love her so much more today than I did 9 years ago when we started dating. I have said it many times and I'll say it many more, when it comes to Anna and I; I'm the lucky one!

Here is a little love song (my favorite) for my beautiful angle eyed wife.